Hey, the garage! Let's hotwire one of these babies and go on a roadtrip!

But hey, look out for that Whale Wall- Glenn dedicated it, so don't mess it up!

Soooo, what direction do you want to head off in? We could drive on into L.A. and soak up the ambiance at McCabe's Guitar Shop and the Troubadour just for the historical thrill of it all, or maybe head on into the Rockies. Yeah... wanna go to Aspen?
We could shamble on over to the Jerome Bar, immortalized in the tune (I know you know this one!) Partytown, the place where all the musicians in the Roaring Fork Valley go seeking inebriation. Jimmy Buffett was positively drunk off his ass here the day he was first offered the chance to tour with the Eagles. And that set into motion a chain of events that would eventually see Jimmy become a Monstertone! Twice! Imagine to what greatness you may soar if you go get soaked at the J-Bar. Order the house specialty, the J-Rita. It's a tempting concoction of tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, and orange juice. Good for what ails ya!
Go ahead, have 'em page Hugh Gotteny. I just wanna see who turns up.

But while we're terrorizing this particular neighborhood, we have just gotta stop by the Woody Creek Tavern, right outside of town. In The Aspen Book, Diane Tegmeyer tells us that, "If you're looking for the Aspen of thirty years ago, here it is." Well, hell yeah, we're looking for precisely that Aspen! There are strings of pink pig lanterns hanging from the ceiling, awesome nachos and burgers, and a house drink called The Biff. Mind you, "biff" is also a verb. Aspire not to.

And if we take a reeeallly wrong turn when we pull out of the Woody Creek Tavern's parking lot, we could find ourselves cruising through the breathtaking Canadian Rockies. Hey, we're in Calgary! Excellent! That means we can swing by Glenn's places here!
So, how are we ever gonna find this place, anyhow? I mean, we're way up in the mountains! We're gonna have to ask for directions . . .

Let's ask this guy . . .

Do you know the way to Glenn's Café?

Hey, isn't that nice of them? They're going to lead the way . . . I guess if you're looking for a good time the best thing to do is follow a flock of horny old goats!

All of Glenn's Cafés have parking available, are wheel chair accessible, accept most credit cards, and the dress code is casual. That's a good thing, because that means we can dress just like Glenn and they'll still let us in. So take some fashion inspiration from the Hell Freezes Over video, or even better...

Do you have any garments with the words "PROPERTY OF" and "ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT" stamped on them? You do? Cool, because our first stop is Glenn's Café and Sports Bar, at 12681 36 Street NE Calgary. Here, the music on the jukebox is rock, you can shoot pool or watch the big screen, or one of the ten satellite TV's.
Careening through the streets of Calgary, our next stop is at at 3745 Memorial Drive, Glenn's Café and Memories Bar. You can play pool or dance to the Top 40 music. It's a fun place.
And if it's around 4 o'clock on a Friday, ya just gotta make it over to 3975 17 Avenue, to Glenn's Café and Pleasures(!)Bar. They've got free wings and ribs until 7! Free munchies 4-7 every other day too! Now, you probably won't find the Frey-Man himself slinging suds behind the bar, but you'll surely find him on the jukebox, so you'll have fun anyway!

Moderation is very much the in thing to do, marks you as a person of rare refinement, and allows you and everybody you share the road with to arrive alive. Don't drink and drive. (In fact, don't even putt.) Get a Designated Driver, call a cab, or have your 19th softdrink of the evening. Live to have more fun and commit more outrages tomorrow.

Still not done running around? Check out Glenn's other cyber-hangouts!

Many thanks to Sue Winstanley for supplying these photographs of the Canadian Rockies and of Glenn's Cafés.